As I am begining to accept this lifestyle more and more, I am starting to remember more about the events of that night when I was 4. The experience of being acosted by the babysitter was stressful. I did not understand what she was doing, and I was scared, nervous, anxious, and confused, among other things. So when she was finished and closed up the diaper, I felt relieved, relaxed, and secure. That is why diapers are a part of my life as they are. When I am feeling exposed and vulnerable, wearing one helps to calm me in a way few other things can.
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